this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
