Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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