your thong is hanging out like whoa
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
