cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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