It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
