Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
