4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
