btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
