stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
