we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
