I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
