My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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