I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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