I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My liver just had a heart attack.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
