I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
