Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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