I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
