Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
