3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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