i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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