Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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