I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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