I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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