It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
