I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
