The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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