Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
