The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
