Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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