she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I want is dick and wine.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
