I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
