Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize