Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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