i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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