Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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