U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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