At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
