cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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