i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
