that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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