The best revenge is premature balding
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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