My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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