2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize