Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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