What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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