Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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