and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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