I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So here I am, sexting at work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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