There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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