he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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