I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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