how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
