My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
