new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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