guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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