if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
