Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
