just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she peed on how many people?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
