rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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