I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
