my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
