I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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