Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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