just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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