the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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