Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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