I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.