Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing

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  (310): thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing http://tfl.nu/kma4
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.

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  (859): Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time. http://tfl.nu/xhpk
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

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  (513): Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule. http://tfl.nu/z55h
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

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  (813): He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys. http://tfl.nu/u6q3
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

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  (973): I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung. http://tfl.nu/lg9m
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

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  (913): I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself http://tfl.nu/n2u9
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

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  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8913) Bad night (1453)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions

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  (304): So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions http://tfl.nu/qdnz
  Replies (12) Good night (2818) Bad night (998)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style

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  (248): There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style http://tfl.nu/z785
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers

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  (678): im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers http://tfl.nu/b3az
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  This is why I married you.

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  (479): The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning. (479): Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight? (1-479): This is why I married you. http://tfl.nu/g5es
  Replies (4) Good night (2544) Bad night (318)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.

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  (248): For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance. http://tfl.nu/b72j
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.

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  (832): The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats. http://tfl.nu/ohp9
  Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (164)
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  (925): View more from California

  But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....

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  (925): But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age..... http://tfl.nu/e96s
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