...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?