he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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