He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
